“Generation to Generation”, January 29, 2012

© Rev. Susan Karlson

Unitarian Church of Staten Island

It’s a revelation to me that I am creeping towards taking on the role of elder in my family. I have only one living aunt, uncle and cousin who are part of my mother’s generation. Sometimes I recall vividly sitting at the children’s table during family gatherings. When you’re a child, one of your most fervent hopes is to be grown up—with all the autonomy and freedoms you think adults have. As one of the older cousins, I really thought I deserved a place at the adult table. I didn’t fully appreciate that warm and cozy kitchen table, surrounded by cousins that I only got to see when we ventured to see them or when they came to see us.

Most of my cousins from my generation have grown children of their own and many of them are grandparents. How did we move from being children to having children, from seeing our parents’ shortcomings to actually taking on their characteristics ourselves? I think each generation at some point wonders how their parents became elders so naturally, with ease and grace while it feels like the torch is suddenly thrust in our hands and we did not even know we were in the race?

The Rumi poem, The Indian Tree, tells the story of the king’s envoy seeking the fruit of a tree that promises eternal youth. He is seeking a tangible, physical object rooted in the world of named things, things that people make war over. What he finds is the meaning and the commonalities behind the objects of the physical world. The takeaway this morning is that it is the things we share and the way we support each other that matter. Immortality resides in what we give to the next generation. (Rumi, The Indian Tree, The Soul of Rumi, p. 47-8).

In our families, our church gatherings, the multiplicity of national and global interactions, there is a “table of companionship, set and waiting for us to sit down.” Imagine the implications of this table—in spite of all the differences between the generations, the cultures, the religions, there is this binding together that the old woman in our story, “The Bundle of Sticks” (renamed “Bunch of Carrots” from an old Aesop’s tale) comprehended and passed on to her children. Rumi and the Aesop fable teach us that alone we are most vulnerable to the hurts of life; together, we are strengthened.

Yet there’s no getting around the fact that the generations bump against each other like bumper cars at Coney Island. All families, religions, and nations depend on the GI generation, the Silent Generation, the Boomers, Generation X’ers, Millennials and the yet unnamed generation to find ways to welcome one another at that table. How does one generation accept the torch while another lets it go?

This past week, the president of the Unitarian Universalist Association, the Rev. Peter Morales, laid out a proposal that acknowledges some glaring realities and provides a vision for the future. He begins by citing the number of congregational members as averaging roughly 160,000 people while the number of people who identify as Unitarian Universalist adds up to about four times as many people—650,000.

Children raised in Unitarian Universalist congregations sadly seldom join a church once they reach adulthood and yet they continue to identify themselves as Unitarian Universalists. I witnessed that on Christmas Eve when all of these young adults who grew up in this church posed for a photo. Only three of them are members of the church but clearly they all share a history and common bonds.

As my daughter, whose experience with friends is the same, phrased it: in the virtual world they can be close though they are not near.

Unitarian Universalist camps and conferences, the Standing on the Side of Love campaign, our Unitarian Universalist actions on immigration, marriage equality, our work with the Occupy movement, antiracism and environmental justice missions attract people who share common bonds but no church affiliation or membership. The Church of the Larger Fellowship and the Church of the Younger Fellowship have no church building but meet in cyber space, through online courses and webinars and through publications.

So what’s the proposal? The idea is to rethink church—to move beyond church as a building within a few miles of congregant’s homes. The congregation is still at the heart of this faith but it cannot stand alone. People can connect to us, and many will, through the small group ministries, through justice issues, through reaching out into the community and through technology while never seeking membership. If we only look at members, we will miss all those who identify with Unitarian Universalism but are not likely to join a congregation.

I realize that personally I am at a difficult transition place—I have to change my image of myself as a child at the children’s table and understand that I am at the adult table now and, in fact, I am one of the ones responsible for holding the different facets of my family together. I must nourish the connection between myself, my daughter and my Mother’s remaining peers. That is a bit more responsibility than I bargained for and yet, accepting that torch has brought me closer to that older generation than I’ve felt since I was that little girl yearning to be closer to my adult kin.

Last week at our Community Meeting, I got a clearer sense of that torch passing at this church. Each person who spoke felt some degree of obligation to tend this church together. That is very heartening to me and others expressed that it felt good to take the time to acknowledge the difficulties and think about the church’s future.

Here’s the thing~ this church needs re-envisioning. We need to grow beyond church as we’ve always done it. My friends, I am not saying that this church is not good enough, I am pointing to realities that we all need to confront if we are to leave this church as a living legacy for our children and the wider community. And that is what maturity brings—not thinking only of what I want, what is best for me but what is best for those who come after me. It’s hard to let go. Will it be hard? Undoubtedly, for change is hard, really hard.

I have a vision for this church and it coincides with Peter Morales’ proposal. I want to see this church thrive, to continue to be relevant and meaningful, the legacy we’ve inherited from our ancestors. We must understand that even if an angel leaves us lots of money it will not save this church. We have to do church differently. Even getting fifty or a hundred more members will not save this church because with more members, we have to expand programs, hire more staff, do more upkeep and maintenance. Furthermore, we won’t attract new members if we don’t do church differently, according to the needs of younger generations.

We are standing on the shoulders of giants, some of them who are still alive and active in this church. I found a letter from a Fundraising consultant dated nineteen years ago. It asks questions of the congregation’s leadership that I think still need to be answered to break us out of our usual way of doing things. He asks us to clarify our vision and mission.

It is only when we know who we are and what we want to become that we can build the future we dream about. The future I dream about for this church is not just having enough money to sustain these old buildings or to even pay staff a fair and just wage as important as that is. After all, the church is not just a physical thing; it is an idea. If we recast the Rumi story, it would be like the king’s envoy looking for eternal life in the church building. A church is something bigger than a piece of property. It’s an idea that is the lesson of Rumi’s vision.

My vision of the future is that we support this church because we are a faith, a movement that people need and that we need to be more fully human, to serve that which is higher than ourselves, and to be connected and accountable to one another and to do justice, mercy and compassion.

The Board is currently working on understanding the role of the minister and how ministers, Boards and congregations share the ministry together, do the hard work and visioning together, not as individuals but as a team, in mutual support of the mission of the congregation. As Unitarian Universalists, we are not held together by common beliefs or any dogma or doctrine. We are bound together by our mutual promises to work together, respect one another and build deep and lasting bridges between and among the generations.

What I pledge to you this morning is a pledge I have made to myself in relation to my aging relatives—that we are bound together by something much deeper and more meaningful than can be fully articulated. When I accepted the call to this church, I did so with totally open eyes.

I knew about the problems and the divisions but I knew something else—I had an idea what this congregation could be and what part I could see myself playing. We have come far together—we have re-established small group ministries, restarted circle suppers, revitalized the social justice committee, added classes for our youngest preschool children and adult religious exploration, become partners with other faiths and immigrant groups, continued the quality arts programs, concerts, exhibits and plays and had fun and gotten closer to one another. What’s more for this coming generation—we revamped our website and newsletter and now are on facebook and twitter. As foreign as all of this social media and networking seems to some of us, it is needed to be relevant and of service in the 21^st century.

Last week someone said that we need another different worship experience and I have long dreamed of starting that. I want to begin a Soulful Sundown gathering once a month that will have poetry slams, contemporary music, dancing and justice themes that will reach young adults and others without the traditional aspects of worship we enjoy on Sunday mornings. I need some help to do this but not much—I just need connections to the young poets and musicians who would be willing to play, sing and dance. Would someone or just a few be willing to work with me to put that on so we can reach and serve more people?

I am not asking people to do more; many of you are already over-volunteering. I am asking that you join me in re-thinking who we are as a church community, and what we want to do and be. No generation has all the answers but together, we do! Singly, we are like the carrots from the old woman’s garden~ fragile and prone to being broken in two but together, we are a wild bunch, full of creativity and ingenuity and remarkable for our commitment to the future generations. Come to the “table of companionship, set and waiting for us to sit down.” We just need to dine together.