Covenants: Promises from the Heart

© Rev. Susan Karlson

April 15, 2012

Unitarian Church of Staten Island

         

          There once was a man at a church, so the story goes, who was not at all shy in registering his displeasure with the minister’s sermon.  He would stand up and begin to take his clothes off, piece by piece, until he stood in front of the whole congregation completely naked.  And he remained in that state until the end of the sermon.

          Rev. Anne Felton Hines doesn’t find the man’s behavior as mystifying as the fact that no one stopped him.  Apparently, his right to freely express his feelings about the sermon by undressing in front of the entire congregation trumped everything else.

          There is a saying I ardently believe—every story is true.  It just may not have ever happened.  It is difficult for congregations to call people on uncivil behavior like this.  People risk being labeled as unfriendly, controlling or stymying a person’s free speech.  Yet at what cost to the whole group?

          Whenever the topic of covenants emerges, people object for several reasons.  They fear that a covenant will be a slap on the wrist, silencing people’s right to speak freely.  They feel that we are all adults and we ought to be treated like adults, being able to control and moderate our own behavior and be nice to one another.  What an insult, I hear sometimes, that people cannot be trusted to behave well in church—of all places.

Last fall, the Board and the Committee on Ministry met with the Right Relations Consultant in this District, Frances Sink.  Frances explained why covenants are so important to congregations and why writing and voting on a covenant will insure the safety and the full participation of greater numbers of people.  Instead of thwarting freedom of expression, covenants actually encourage deeper sharing and more respectful communication.   Covenants are not about censorship; they are about a process.  They allow a greater degree of dialogue and more room for exploration and discernment within a safe environment.

          “When there is no covenant, the loudest voice wins”, Frances told me.  Without a covenant, the most aggressive, insistent, demanding, anxious and intolerant voice has the greatest impact on the whole group.  Covenants provide a safe space where everyone can be included in matters that concern them.

          Unitarian churches come out of a congregational model of governing themselves dating way back to 17^th century New England and what has become known as the Cambridge Platform.  The   

Cambridge Platform outlined how the members would organize themselves and foster a mutually supportive and yet  challenging religious community.   These churches did have the same beliefs but each congregation governed itself and was not beholding to a cleric or bishop.  They cooperated with other area congregations and would help one another when times were good or bad.

          This way of doing church bequeathed Unitarian Universalists a strong, lasting legacy.  It is the values we affirmed in our basket of gifts—the gifts we give to others and the gifts we want for ourselves.   You heard from Judith Davison how a “covenant reminds us of the importance of mutual respect, of really listening to others in the way that we would like them to listen to us.  It makes us feel safer, and therefore more free to share.”  It is an important aspect of covenants that they are not written in stone.  Covenants are voluntary and they can be changed.  They are an expression of the needs and wishes of the people at the time they are devised.  They can be altered as new needs arise.

          And covenants are also not designed to humiliate or belittle anyone who breaks them.  The words of Shafik Asante, a former leader of New African Voices, wrote about inclusion but his words are reflective of the purpose of covenants as well:  “As an ethic of decency and common labor “inclusion” doesn’t call on us to live in a fairy tale.  It doesn’t require that we begin with a new kind of human being who is always friendly, unselfish, and unafraid and never dislikes or feels strange with anyone.  We can start with who we are…We must simply be willing to learn to get along while recognizing our differences, or faults and foibles, and our gifts.”

          On Friday night a group of Unitarian Universalists who have been working together for some time in the Metro New York District got together to deepen our relationships and to enjoy one another’s company.  We learned a lot from one another about how classism emerges in our churches alongside racism, stereotypes about education and employment and how offensive well intentioned greetings can be to some people of color.  There in that safe space, we admitted to one another that some of us lacked a college education while others felt racism was embedded in cheerful greetings about how did you hear about our church.  It was difficult but it was an incredible evening of good food, conversation and transparency.  It is what I yearn for in our churches—being ourselves, hearing the stories of other people, understanding another perspective. 

          I cannot imagine that night would have been possible without us listening to one another openly, not debating, contradicting or demeaning the view of others at the table.  We have a covenant in place.  If someone broke the covenant, one of us could have reminded the group to come back into right relationship.  That is the safety, the joy of making promises from the heart.  There are no limits to those relationships in spiritual growth, depth, or transformation.  They undergird the mission and vision of a congregation.  They provide for the greatest freedom while safeguarding the group.

 As a diverse group of people with different needs, characteristics, ideas and dreams, a covenant can serve as a container to hold our aspirations.  It can safeguard our vulnerable selves that want to show up authentically and be accepted and affirmed for the person we are.  A covenant can remind us of what is most important to us whenever we worship, engage in exploration or dialogue, have fun or take a stand.  It is not a document passed to us to sign on the dotted line—it is a voluntary agreement, a set of promises that we enter into freely, joyously, with our full hearts, aware of how we affect one another.

          The emperor has no clothes is a famous children’s story.  I began with a story of a man who stripped down to bare skin to demonstrate his anger and hold the congregation captive.  May we find ways to voice our dissent without undue exposure to the uncivil behavior of the individual.  May we be held together in the deepest love, care and compassion for one another and may that fill our needs as a community today, tomorrow and in the future that will be our own.