Reflections by Rev. Susan Karlson, Finding The Courage Within

Like Eleanor, I was a timid child and acutely tuned into other people.  Primarily a people pleaser, I was afraid to be myself.
          I remember distinctly one circumstance that forced me to choose between courage and fear.  It was the first day of orientation at graduate school.  Community organizers arrived to do a role-play with us. One of us—only one of us—out of the whole class would have the opportunity to be the social worker in the role-play.  I silently said my prayers, “Oh please, God, just don’t let it be me.”
          Well, my name was chosen out of a hat.  And I thought to myself, “I can walk out that door now. I can let go of my scholarship, all the work I’ve done, all the callings of my heart and spirit.  Or I can do this role-play as well as I can.”
          I chose to do the role-play. I graduated with honors and had a successful practice. I was a good clinical social worker. I’m glad I chose to stay.
          Fast-forward to a workshop full of ministers about twenty-one years later, all Unitarian Universalist clergy learning about adaptive leadership.  We are asked to prepare a case study for the first day. We learn that everyone will present their case study in a small group except one lucky clergy person who will get to present to the whole group.  At this point, I’m saying to myself, “you know it will be. If history is any witness, your name will be drawn.” 

And no surprise—my name is drawn.  So I stagger to the front— scared, dry mouthed but surrendering—knowing good things will come out of this.  And they do—adaptive leadership skills I’ve brought to this church.

          These are my humble stories of taking great risk and submitting to the task before me, even when feeling totally foolish and afraid.  From these experiences I learned what I am made of because, as Eleanor said, when we face the worst we find the mettle that is deep inside.  And in my case, I learned something about faith— that when we overcome fear, we see what the human spirit is capable of; so much more than we ever knew or acknowledged.  

We need care, support, nurture and love from others along the way but courage is a part of the human experience that we must find inside ourselves.  It is a part of every one of us—if we only brave the fire. In this church too, we need courage—courage to try things differently; courage to speak honestly and respectfully to one another; courage to let someone try a new idea or courage to welcome someone we do not know who has beliefs or a different way of thinking than we do.  Even though I often hear that this church is comfortable because we have like-minded people here I think you’d be surprised to know how divergent our views are.  Being authentic takes courage and compassion.  May we find an ample amount of both in ourselves, in this church and in our whole lives.  So may it be.